Feel the fear and do it anyway
I bought this today. My heart is racing as I go to press publish. Instinctively I want to do one or all of the following: delete it/take another 20 before I decide on a better one/filter the shit out of it.
My anorexic brain still (and probably always will, but I’m ok with that as long as she’s drowned out by my real voice) screams “COVER UP, FFS! YOU’RE DISGUSTING!”
And whilst – being brutally honest – I couldn’t quite bring myself to buy a bikini instead, my logical brain looks at this reflection and feels pride.
My body grew the human who today felt worried when another child hurt herself on the slide. He went over to her, to see if she was ok. Pride.
This body nurtured that human who yesterday coped beyond my wildest dreams with visiting his new classroom at his new big school. Pride.
My body gave birth to the little boy who spontaneously said to his Daddy the other night as they were saying goodnight:”Daddy, you’re the best. And I love you.” Pride.
My body helps me to take care of that precious little boy and because of its magnificence I am able to enjoy a life full of epic things. Pride.
I don’t want either judgment or compliments by posting this.
What I want is to join the movement to normalise women and our bodies that have created life, disrupt the filtered feeds (guilty, ordinarily – but not today) and say to you: we are enough. No caveats.
I may look at this reflection and have to bat away thoughts that threaten this. That I am not enough – not even close. That I should definitely lose those promised pounds. That I should delete this and give in to the fear of what others will think. But I’m going to do it anyway.
We are enough.
You are enough.