A letter to my pre-mama self
Dear 2012 Ursula,
I know you’re bricking it.
I know you’re not 100% convinced you’ll be up to this parenthood gig.
You don’t think you’ve got a maternal bone in your body, and joke that you’re ‘made of stone’ because you just don’t get gooey over babies.
You love your life. It’s super fun and you don’t think anything’s missing from it right now, so you fear that this might make you less of a mother.
You’re scared that you won’t live up to your own expectations of what a parent should be, let alone everyone else’s.
You’re petrified you’re too selfish and that your heart isn’t big enough to love a child as it deserves to be loved.
The unknown scares the bejesus out of you.
But I wish you could see how every single experience of your life up until this point has been creating exactly the right person you need to be to grow and nurture the little boy who will become yours.
And I wish I could show you that this tiny person will fill a hole in you that you never knew was there until you look at him. That being his mummy will make you feel just about as complete as it is possible for a person to feel.
I wish you could dare to imagine that the life you’ll create will make you better in every sense and will give your life a profound sense of purpose.
You will finally understand what someone means when they say their heart ‘swells’ when you look at or think about your child.
You will be capable of using and trusting your instincts to take care of him as no-one else could.
You will fight for what is best for him and you won’t accept anything less from anyone.
You will be challenged more than you can possibly imagine, but I promise you’re up to it.
You’re naïve to all of that, in the most extraordinarily beautiful way.
Please, stop being threatened by the person you could become. Stop feeling so afraid of the life you could have.
There’s nothing to be afraid of.
You can do it. And you will do it.
An entire world of possibility is about to open itself up to you and my biggest wish for you is that you will embrace it with strength, determination and one mother of a sense of humour.
All my love,
2016 Ursula X