What it’s really like to be a mum recovering from an eating disorder (part one)

What's it really like to be recovering from an eating disorder, become pregnant and have a child? Here's my story.....

Yesterday I put a quick post up on the Facebook page to ask if anyone might find it helpful if I wrote about what it’s like to be pregnant and become a mum when you’re someone who has suffered from an eating disorder.

Writing about this subject in general has been something that has been on my mind for years, because writing is part of who I am.

But writing about it from the perspective of a person on the way towards the elusive perceived-utopia of recovery who has to deal not only with her own body and mind but that of a developing foetus and then a small dependent child is a context I hadn’t considered; until recently.

(As a hilarious aside, two very good friends messaged me and asked if I was pregnant which made me both laugh and simultaneously question my grasp of the English language as my wording had obviously been a bit misleading!)

I’ve been floored by the reaction to that post.

Beautiful, courageous, stronger-than-they-know women have contacted me to ask me to share this part of my story. More of them than I could count saying that there’s not enough openness, honesty or similar experiences from people who have been affected by eating disorders being shared – online or offline. So many of them saying that when they’ve looked for others who may have written about their illness, they’ve not found much at all they could relate to.

When I put the idea out there yesterday, it was a small brain dump triggered by a conversation with a great friend who has also been affected. We’ve discovered this ‘thing’ we have in common really recently and she suggested that writing about it might help others in the same way as we have both needed (and continue to need) to be helped.

It’s niggled away at me since. So in a moment of abandon/courage/I’m not really sure what…I hit ‘publish’.

And now I feel like I’m kind of committed!

As I write this, I’m not too sure how it’s going to pan out. I feel like there’s a book’s worth of words I could write about the parts of my life that have been impacted by my eating disorder.

But I also want to focus on the perspective of pregnancy and motherhood, because that’s what I said I would do and if sharing my thoughts on this helps one woman, that’s more than enough for me.

I’ve decided this is going to be a series of posts as opposed to one post. There’s just so much to say. I’ll try and keep it as concise as I can, but brevity is not my goal here.

I send my love to everyone, male and female, who has been affected by this destructive, unforgiving group of illnesses. No-one will ever know the magnitude of your strength. You are extraordinary.

I’ll post each part up on the blog and share on all my social channels as soon as they’re written. If you know anyone who might benefit from reading them, please share so this can reach and maybe help more people.

Click here to read part two.

Ursula X

Diary of An Imperfect Mum
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  1. 10th January 2017 at 2:38 pm — Reply

    It is so important to write about mental health issues, and eating disorders are something that affect far too many. I battled with anorexia for twenty years, in and out of specialist hospitals, therapy, unsure that I would even live, let alone recover. As a Mum of five it has been hell at times, especially during pregnancy when I had to relinquish that control, and yet the last couple of years I have reached a point of recovery, and although it is still hard at times, I am so much healthier, and happier, than ever before. Thank you for sharing this, Im off to read part two. #eatsleepblogRT

    • 12th January 2017 at 9:01 pm — Reply

      Wow. The hell you have been through. You have come further than most people would travel in several lifetimes. The fact that you’re in such a different place now speaks volumes about the sheer grit and courage that resides in your soul. Our babies give us so much to live for, don’t they? You’re an inspiration. Sending you so much love. Xxx #eatsleepblogrt

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